I’ve been working nights recently. I’ve just found that I work better that way. There are fewer people around the hospital at night. Hence, I don’t feel as though someone is hovering over me all the time.

I’m not sure if y’all noticed, but there was a “supermoon” a few nights ago. My whole weekend was strange, and maybe that’s why, but this baby could not wait to come out. In a few years she’ll begin trying to figure out how she can get back in.

We get L&D patients all the time through the ED, because at night that’s the only entrance open. All night long we see women wheeling or waddling through the ED on the way up to L&D. Sometimes we wave (it’s fun); sometimes we’re so busy that we don’t really notice.

The security guard came strolling through the ED and offhandedly told a nurse, “There’s about to be a baby born in the parking lot.”

We all think, sure, whatever. No one thinks they’re gonna make it upstairs in time. So the drama begins.

The next thing I see is our security guard wheeling a very pregnant lady yelling, “Oh, God! She’s coming! She’s coming!”

Who’s coming? Hillary Clinton? The alien, from, well, Alien? The funny girl from the insurance commercials?

Oh, she meant the baby. I think, “Yes, I know the baby is coming. Isn’t it wonderful?”

Oh, crap. She means the baby is coming right now. The baby is coming out of her right now.

“Get her in a room!” I yell, “Call NICU and L&D!” The security guard is not sure what to do with this woman. “Pick any empty room!” I sort of growl at him. Sorry.

Then I hear another howl from Mom: “I need to push!!!” Our case manager, who herself is 7 months pregnant, tells her, “Oh, no, you don’t!”

Then Mom lifts herself off the seat of the wheelchair with her entire upper body. Man, that woman is strong. “Her head is OUT!”

OK, just so you can get a mental picture, the lady’s pants are still on.

We get her into a room, and as we are getting her onto the stretcher, she yells again, “The REST of her is out and SHE’S GOING DOWN MY PANTS LEG!”

Sure enough, there was now a lump in her right pants leg. She was wearing some stretchy workout pants (Mom, not the baby).