I have found that many patients want “natural” remedies for things. As far as I can tell, the word “natural” means that somewhere on the label the word “herbal” or “from nature” appears. These words magically make a product safer (and better) than anything prescribed.

I had a patient who overdosed on an herbal supplement. I forgot the name of the product, something like “ThrusTastic 16X.” Note that random numbers and X’s on products also makes them better. If metoprolol’s name was changed to “natures natural herbal LowBlood1000X,” people would take it.

So the patient had taken several packages of this supplement, but instead of a fun evening with the wife, he spent the night acting like a spastic dragonfly doing wind sprints in his hallway with a side effect that approved erectile dysfunction drug ads caution should send users racing to the ED if it lasts longer than the Daytona 500.

This got me to thinking. What would happen if you overdosed on other atypical medications? I am just curious what would happen if some nice little old lady overdosed on one of the “memory enhancing” herbal products. Would it cause the most steel-trap memory ever?

Me: “How many pills did you take?”

Grandma: “I took 34 tablets over the last 74 minutes, unless you are talking about all tablets ever taken since the Reagan administration; in that case I’ve taken 2,821 tablets. Now, would you like to hear about my 19 grandchildren, or shall I recite every episode of ‘Matlock’ from memory for you?”

The challenge of convincing patients to take their medication continues. Some people will continue to forget to take their high blood pressure medications while others will take narcotics recreationally. But we must continue to strive to help our patients to the fullest of our abilities.

Personally, I will start working on the FDA to get “memory enhancer” in the water supply.

Dr. Brandt is an ED physician for GREMG in Grand Rapids, Mich. Send comments to BrandtsRants@gmail.com.